Choo Choo! Jack is TWO!

And so we arrive at 2 years. Jack has become the epitome of the perfect kid. He loves to talk in strangely full, clear sentences, can count to thirteen on his own and twenty with help, can say his ABC's, and knows his colors. He was totally potty trained by 19 months old (minus night time of course), loves every food imaginable (even salmon, brussel sprouts, salad, and jalapeños... What? That's almost concerning...). He sleeps through the night like a champ, and has taken to his big kid twin bed like a rockstar. He says please & thank you, God Bless You when you sneeze, and excuse me when he's trying to get through. And... he's so ridiculously adorable with those huge blue eyes and thick curly locks, we can't even handle it. He has totally blown our minds. God has totally blown our minds.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Bean. You are our everything. We pray that your next year will be filled with wonder, plenty of silliness, and a whole bunch of learning and awe of the world around you.

In October of 2015, I (Mandy) was able to go part time at work thanks to my ever supportive and incredibly hard-working husband. Mike has been consistently moving up in his position which gave us the freedom we needed to make a decision, so together we decided after almost a year of deliberation that it was in Jack's best interests for me to be home with him more, and I now only work about 7 days/month- give or take council/staff meetings and picked-up shifts. I am so incredibly blessed to have gotten into such a flexible yet challenging career. There truly is a reason nursing is referred to as the most trusted profession, even from the inside. It favors family, compassion, and hard work. It focuses on individuals while studying populations. And it challenges you, every single day.

And so, over the last few months I have had the opportunity to be home with Jack, learn with him, snuggle and be silly with him. I've gotten to teach him and watch him grow while still maintaining my career. It has been an amazing, wild ride and I wouldn't change it for anything. 

Recently many have asked what my plan is for the future, if I'll go back full time, go back to school for that doctorate. Short answer: maybe. Probably. But definitely not right now.

I've got something much better, and much more challenging to aspire to, and that's being the best Mama I can be to this boisterous, beautiful 2 year old boy. He will change the world someday. He has already changed ours. So today, I'll gently take his tiny little hand once more, for one day all too soon he won't ask for mine anymore.

The Best Year of Our Lives

And there we have it. Bean is a year old. He survived an entire year with Mike and I as parents. If he can do that, he can do anything.

And today as I quietly enjoy my week off, spending time with Bean and getting some cleaning done while he naps, I have to say, God is good.

It's amazing how much life changes as he grows older. A year ago Mike and I were lying on the couch right now, watching movies by day and tip-toeing around the house at night. Bean was snuggled up on my chest and the dogs were lying under the coffee table in shell shock of the new "squeaker toy" they couldn't play with. We were exhausted, cranky, and downright miserable.  But in a beautiful, what-the-hell-are-we-doing, kind of way. Nothing prepares you for parenthood.

A year later, we're no longer exhausted, and the exhaustion has been replaced by utter joy. But the beautiful what-the-hell-are-we-doing phase is still there. I'm sure it will be the rest of our lives. This child is a miracle. I watch him as he so carefully pushes the button on our tape measure to roll it back up, as he points the remote -backwards- at the tv, waiting for the magic to happen. As he picks a penny off the floor and, instead of putting it in his mouth like one would expect, he instead looks at me and holds it up- he knows he shouldn't, and wants my approval.

Mike and I spent the first year of Jack's life knowing we were going to fail, because we're human. We knew we would make mistakes, make stupid decisions, and feel like awful parents a lot of the time. And somehow, Jack is  perfect. He has grown into a loving, smart, incredible little boy. A complete tribute to the power of a God so unfathomable, no one can comprehend his glorious work. We praise him every day for this beautiful child. Someday, far too soon, my little Bean will no longer be so little. So for now I'm holding on :)

Baby's First Christmas

Here we are, arriving at our first Christmas as family of 5, toddler, tails and all. It is magnificent. The tree is sparkling, the kitchen smells of gingerbread and sugar cookies, Nat King Cole is continuously cycling over the speakers, and my little one is inching closer and closer to taking his first solo steps. Yes, the camera is on constant standby :)

Life is beautiful. It really, truly is magnificent. Tonight, Mike and I spent the evening wrapping gifts and watching It's a Wonderful Life after Jack went to bed. I busted out the eggnog and some Christmas chocolates and we had a sugary feast as we laughed at the corny-ness of that phenomenal 1950s classic and I of course cried at the end as the whole town came together to save George Bailey's Christmas. But somehow, this movie never fails to remind both of us just what Christmas is all about: faith, hope, and love. 

This is quite a special Christmas for us. It's our first Christmas with Jack, obviously- but this year, the perspective is something more. As I was on my way to work one day last week, Pentatonix's "Mary, Did You Know?" came over my iTunes, and my eyes welled up in tears. I have always loved that song, but this year it was more: this year, I'm a mom, as was Mary.

It's a powerful, overwhelming reality check to suddenly come to think what it must've felt like for Mary to bring the Son of God into the world, but even more so to now experience the power of what it is to be a mother and to imagine what it must've been like to carry that responsibility. To be the mother of God. Scary, much? And I thought Jack was a huge deal...

It's empowering, humbling, and terrifying, this motherhood thing. But to be Jesus's mom? I can't even imagine.

9 months old!

My now 9 month old is wearing 12 month old clothes. His chunky legs and arms in addition to his puffy cloth diapers make it near impossible to know exactly what size to get him. He's getting so big. He pulls himself up now quite easily, and will attempt to take a step- except his "step" looks more like an attitude pose in ballet- and he forgets to put his foot back down.  He so kindly shares his toys and food with the dogs, gives us the pouty lip with a tiny sniffle when we tell him "no," and has a terrible obsession with sticking his tongue out and making a farting noise if we say or do something he doesn't like. I have no idea where he learned that, and while I tell him "no," I have to admit... It's way too stinkin' cute :)

My little bug, 8 months old

We're there. He's 8 months old, and while he will always be my baby- we're there. My little bug is turning into a kid. That moment when it just hits you that he's not so tiny anymore, and actually rather big, it's overwhelming. It's beautiful and sad and ridiculous and wonderful all at the same time.

This morning I woke up to a series of giggles and "Mamaaaaa"s coming from his room. I heard the clapping of his little fingers on the crib rails and the  kicking of his little feet on his mattress. He no longer just sits cooing and blowing bubbles- but rather calls us by name. Mama and Dada.

He knows my name. 

"Mama."

Jack is so perfect it astounds me. He crawls faster than I can keep up with him (cue the safety latches and barricades); he sits himself up with the most determined, stubborn, innocent look on his face and scrunches up his nose and squints his eyes as if to say "I'm a self-hazard Mama!"; he eats everything from cereal puffs to Crayola markers (and seems to enjoy them both the same); and his snuggles are still the most fantastic part of my day. One bottle down and his eyes roll back in his head, his lips purse out and his nose twitches a little before he's off to sleep soundly on my chest, wrapped up in his very favorite blankie. I turn down the tv, lean back, and enjoy the moments of quiet. It doesn't get better than this.

Except- it does. As the day waxes on and I move about my daily routine, intermittently as Jack plays and naps, I look forward to that moment each afternoon that we hear footsteps on the deck. The sliding of the patio door. And that moment when Jack turns his head to look at me with that inquisitive, intelligent look asking me, "Is he home? Is that Dad?"

It amazes me that an 8 month old already knows what those sounds mean once the afternoon comes. That he associates the footsteps, the wagging of tails and the jingling of keys with the return of his beloved Dad. It pulls at my heartstrings knowing he already is so attached to Mike. He is so consumed with his Daddy's silly faces, as he flips Jack upside down and wiggles him above a stack of pillows on the bed before launching him into a heavenly pile of fluff.

I am so in love with our family it's ridiculous. This is what it's all about. Falling in love all over again. And again. Every. Day.

Little Babe

It's too fast. One minute I've just met you as they place you in my arms, and suddenly it's 7 months later and I've become your "Mama," and you my little bug. You are perfectly silly, impressively stubborn, incredibly smart and so, so sweet. Your cuddles are my weakness, my strength, my very favorite thing. Every day I fall even more in love with you- which is overwhelming at times, as the same goes for your Daddy. He is more than I ever dreamed he would be. And my sweet Jack, if you even become half the man your father has become, I will consider myself not only proud, but that I have done what I was put on this earth to do. 

As days go by and you so anxiously try to crawl to the edge of the stairs, you scream bloody murder because I won't let you drink my Starbucks or because I'm not shoving mangos in your mouth fast enough, I often sit there watching you, trying to figure out how I got so blessed.

You're my free spirit, Jack. You are so stubborn, so silly, so completely over-dramatic. You are my cuddlebug, my music maker, my Chunks McGee. You are perfectly imperfect and absolutely ridiculous. And you're mine :)

These last 7 months have been the best of our lives. You have blessed Daddy and I with so much laughter, so much happiness, it's hard to think of a bad day we've had since you were born. 

6 months :)

My baby is 6 months old. I can't fathom it. It does go by too fast. Far too fast. So fast that at times it takes my breathe away.

Jack is still sleeping through the night like a champ (praise the Lord) for a good 12-15 hours every night. He eats like a horse... No, more than a horse. This boy downs 6-8 ounces in a sitting (yes, I'm talking anywhere from 32-48 ounces a day), plus two bowls of food in the morning and afternoon. And he's still in the 15th percentile for weight. Right... I think we all agree he sure as heck didn't get his metabolism from me.

But on a good note, he's already pulling up, sitting up on his own, attempting to crawl, talking incessantly, has said "Mama" numerous times (though I'm pretty sure everything is "Mama" or "Baba" right now), and is quickly mastering the fine motor skills like turning objects around carefully from one hand to te next, turning the pages of his books, and pulling on Daddy's nostrils. He's amazing. His pediatrician is impressed with his alertness and is convinced Jack is the next Albert Einstein. He's got the looks, the charm, the smiles, and a ridiculous obsession with Mama snuggles and Daddy giggles. And the best part: he's ours. Thank you God for such a perfect little bug.

Working Girl

First week back to work: done.

And it wasn't bad. For starting again right off the bat by conquering 40 hours, I'm really prou of myself that it actually felt good to be back... Even though it was all training and policy/procedures stuff for the hospital this week. 

I won't start on the floor until next week, but I've already gotten a taste of what it will be like now, at least until September when I will finally be off orientation and onto my [awesome] schedule. I seriously feel so blessed to have gotten the 7/70 PM position. I can't even imagine trying to pull off a week at a time on nights with Jack at home and having to pump all day/night... Ouch.

So now, here I am, one week down and so happy. I found out this week the hospital's lactation areas have hospital-grade Medela pumps in each room so breastfeeding employees can keep up their supply while at work without having to lug their own pump around. Not to mention... The pumps there are like 10x better at expressing milk than my little ole pump n style is. 

So far, I'm feeling really blessed by what is coming about for us. I can't wait to see what God's got planned for us in the months ahead :)

5 months

Jack's 5 months old today. That's big. He's big. Today I finally had to run out and buy the big medela bottles. I don't even know how I'm gonna pump enough to fill those monstrosities. God help me. I think I have about 100 ounces or something like that in our freezer right now though (saving up for the baby apocalypse, obviously), so hopefully that'll give us some leg room once I head back to work. I'm pretty sure tops I'd only need like, 18ish ounces as a good buffer for going back. But you know... First time mommy here got a little overzealous. Well, that, and since Jack's been sleeping through the night for some time now, I have to pump every night or I'm 103% sure I'd explode by sunrise.

He gave me his first hug this month- and now basically never wants to let go. He is obsessed with us... put him down for a second and BOOM, immediate tears. He's like a live grenade. But in a way, I love that. I love that he wants us constantly, and is now showing finally, very obviously, just how much he wants us- and not just needs us. 

And little by little, Jack is getting stronger and more alert every day. His laughs are to die for, his little stories he tells us are so expressive I wish he could talk already. He loves to play on the piano, playing airplane with Daddy, splashing like crazy in the bathtub, and rainy day snuggles with Mama. He has made our lives so much happier and more fulfilled just by being here. Last week he decided it was time to start dumping his food, so that's exactly what he did: pulled his bowl of applesauce over his face and head and started laughing. And I laughed right along with him as the dogs cleaned up the mess on the floor. I wouldn't trade this chaos for anything.

What's new otherwise? Well, I finally found fabric to make Jack's car seat canopy. I'd been looking since before he was born for a UW badger fabric I actually liked and found nothing. JoAnn, Hancock, Walmart, and even online, they all had the same old white and red checkered fabric that I just didn't like. I was stuck on this red and black idea. I mean come on, his car seat is black and red. It was meant to be, right?

So I finally found the fabric just this past week at Hobby Lobby: my favorite craft store EVER. Mike hates it when I go there... That store is a death trap for a man's wallet. But at least I found what I needed, and was able to make my car seat canopy. And I have to say, I'm super happy with it. Most are made with minky as far as I've seen, which I just didn't want as it's not as breathable as cotton, and we particularly wanted it for summer nights out. So, voila! Jack's car seat canopy is complete!

Back to Work (aka, a God thing)

I got the news this week! Finally, after months of interviewing and considering multiple job options, I finally accepted an offer for my first job- in oncology/hematology. I am SO excited it's not even funny. It's rare for a specialty job to consider new grads, let alone at Froedtert. But clearly God was looking out for me once again. And the best part- it's a 7/70 PM position! Meaning 7 days straight, 10 hours each from 12:30pm-11pm. And then you get an entire week off. So yes- if I take a week of vacation, I get 3 weeks off, technically. Future babies: maternity leave ends up being 12 weeks, not 6, due to the week on, week off. Can you say awesome?

I am not going to lie though, I am 100% aware that this was not my doing. It was not because I'm super intelligent, because I'm ridiculously good-looking, or because I am the nicest person to grace the planet since Mother Teresa. I got a job in oncology, at the regions #1 academic medical center, in a magnet facility, in the position I wanted, shift I wanted, in a specialty I've always been interested in, and the hospital is literally 7 minutes from our house. My neighbor, an incredibly sweet Christian woman with two babies of her own (one being a little boy Jack's age) who runs her own in-home daycare just told us she has a spot for Jack. Yes, our awesome neighbor. Which means weeks I do work, I will still get to be home with my baby boy every day until noon, when I'll walk him next door, til Mike picks him up again at 3. Three hours of daycare. And every other week, I'll be off an entire week to love and snuggle him and just be mom.

No, this wasn't my doing at all. This was most definitely what Mike and I deem a "God thing." We are both praising God every day that He blessed us with such an incredible opportunity. I got to be home with my sweet baby now for what will almost be 6 months, and nowa that I am going back to work I still will be home much of Jack's childhood. I will still get to enjoy him and spend time with my husband in the mornings and my weeks off, and still work full-time, which is what our family needs right now. It is truly a blessing I can't even begin to comprehend.

One of my greatest fears in going back to work was missing out on Jack's childhood- not being there for his milestones, his "big moments." But as I've been told again and again by friends who've done the 7/70, it's the most amazing schedule, and with being off every other week for a whole week, it lets you be there for those moments. And to not have to be on nights my first job- well, I can't even put into words just how thankful Mike and I both are for that. 

So here's to God once again filling our plate, blessing us with a situation so unfathomably amazing only He could pull this off. Thanks God. Again. You're awesome :)

Glorious food!

Jack is going to be 5 months old in a couple weeks. Seriously, what happened to the itty bitty 7 pounder from 5 months ago? Last time he got weighed he was about 13 lbs and 25 inches long- tall and skinny (though you wouldn't guess it from his awesome leg rolls and chunky cheeks and tummy). But he eats like a racehorse. This past month at his 4 month check-up, our doctor suggested trying solids with him (sad day for Mommy... he's getting too grown-up too fast). He had been reaching and grabbing at Mike's and my food quite a bit, so we decided to go along with his suggestion and, lo and behold, our child is a solid-food rockstar. We started him on bananas, then moved to mangos, peas, sweet potatos and applesauce. He likes EVERYTHING. And when he wants more, he makes it very clear he wants more. When he's done, he purses his lips and scrunches his eyebrows together in a very "loosen muh pants" kinda way. It was nerve-racking at first to give him solids. I mean, what first time mom isn't? What's the worst thing that can happen? Oh I don't know... Choke and die? Yup. I sat there his whole first bowlful an stared him down like a one-eyed hawk. And then his second meal came... and third meal... and then I realized this kid eats better than I do half the time. Seriously.

We tried mesh feeders to see if he liked those... Nope. The only thing he likes about those is if he holds them over the side of his highchair Coop will come snatch them. So I guess that's out. It was a nice idea.

I can't believe just a few short months ago Jack was completely helpless- he couldn't grab anything, was awkward on the boob, and would pretty much just lie around all day being a baby. And now he's sitting up (with a little help), trying to crawl, holding his spoon (and sticking it in his eye or ear), and acting like a tiny human. No more amoeba baby, folks- this kid is for real.

I love that Jack is growing, that he converses with us with precious coos and babbles and lights up our hearts with his silly smiles. I love how his tiny hands will hold his nook for a good 5 minutes, turning it round and round, examining it ever so closely before violently shoving it in his mouth and covering it in drool before smiling, with this little sparkle in his eye, as if to say "oh yeah, this is delicious!" And then throw it across the room. And then laugh about it.

He is my world. And the best part is getting to travel down this road alongside Mike, my best friend, and share in the silly moments, the peas-in-hair moments, the projectile everything moments, the scary moments, the milestones and the precious firsts, with him. Mike gets so much joy out of seeing his son grow, and is already 1000x the dad I ever could've hoped or imagined he would be. He's just... Perfect. My perfect. And if Jack turns out to be even half the man my husband has become, this world will be blessed.

In a few weeks we will celebrate our anniversary. We've been friends 10 years now, together 5 years, married for 2. It's amazing how things change over time. I never would've guessed 10 years ago when I met Mike at the Sadie Hawkins dance ("...in my khaki pants"), that he'd one day be my husband and daddy to my children. It's a funny story, the way things panned out for Mike and I. Our lives constantly were intertwined- but we never actually connected until a time when we both needed one another. As crazy as it sounds, even as kids, I was best buds and went to preschool from 18 months thru kindergarten with a boy who would become one of Mike's best friends growing up. We lived just 10 minutes apart, went to rival high schools, went to church across the street from one another, went to college together, and managed to have our entire first semester together. But we didn't start dating until 3 years later, because I just happened to back out on a date with another engineer, a grad student in Material Science, and at the last minute go to a bonfire with my friend instead- which just happened to be at Mike's house. And that's where it all started: 5 years ago, I met my husband for the first time once more, this time for the last time.

But as I've figured out, God likes surprising us like that. We were on His time, and that's the best way to be. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

So here's to being in love again, now for the 3rd time. My God, my husband, my baby. They have stolen my heart again and again, and yet each time, instead of feeling like they're taking little pieces of my heart, I can only describe it as though I feel that they're instead filling it. Through the glorious joy I've been blessed with these last few years through my amazing husband and beautiful little boy, I have experienced the workings of an incredibly gracious, loving, and powerful God. And I praise him every morning as I wake up next to my wonderful husband, and every night as a rock my baby to sleep. Words can't describe the utter joy you feel when you know God has had your entire life in His hands.

So in a couple days, Mike and I will once again celebrate one of the most beautiful days of our lives. Our beginning of forever. We decided why limit it to just Monday when we can have an entire weekend of awesome? So we're going out to dinner Friday night at the melting pot, Saturday we're going to Madison and Farmer's market, Sunday we're going fishing and hiking down by the Milwaukee River. And Monday is apparently a surprise for me, courtesy of Mike :) I can't wait to enjoy this weekend with my best friend and the little man.

My Very First Mother's Day

Today was beautiful. And I must follow by saying, second to my wedding day and the day Jack was born, today was the most beautiful day of my life.

Today was my very first Mother's Day, and what a ridiculously beautiful day today was. We did absolutely nothing out of the ordinary- and yet, today was extraordinary.

I woke up this morning to beautiful flowers, a basket of pampering stuffs, fresh coffee and fruit courtesy of my amazing husband. He brought in my sweet baby, we all cuddled in the bed for a good half hour, and talked about nothing in particular until the pups started pacing, anxious for their breakfast.

I spent the morning crafting, rocking out to Bryan Adams, and enjoying my coffee as Mike sat with me, playing with Jack and reading him Bible stories while the dogs sprawled out on the floor next to us (thank you, Riley, for adding your own special touches to my Cricut mat). 

We went to church, enjoyed a great service, went to breakfast with Mike's family, then came home to entertain and feed the dogs before joining my family for dinner. And now we're home, my baby is asleep, and I'm lying here completely content and happy.

Today was beautiful.

Today was an affirmation for me. I became a mother 4 months ago, in fact 13 months ago to be fair, and yet today for the first time, I got to raise my hand when asked "all the moms raise your hand," and at breakfast when they handed out flowers to the moms, I got one too. I realized today I'm officially in the "mom club." It was amazing.

It may seem silly to say this now, but it's true. Today I got to be Mom, after spending my entire life admiring my mom, hoping one day I'd get to be just like her, I'm there :) well, I'm at least in the mom club. I don't know that I measure up to her just yet. But she is most certainly someone I hope to be someday.

For those of you who don't know her, she is perfect. At least, as perfect as a mother could ever hope to be. I have not, and doubt I ever will, meet anyone else who compares. She is my friend, my confidant, my shoulder to cry on, my person. She has managed to put up with an incredible amount of shit from me, and still does (I know I have it coming to me with Jack). But she is incredible. From watching me almost drown myself in the pool as a kid when I put water wings on my ankles "because I wanted to walk on water like Jesus," to cutting a hole in my mattress for the cat to sleep in, that time when I cut my hand open carving a pumpkin and she held me up as I wobbled around the house trying not to pass out. She dried my tears when my 7th grade boyfriend and I broke up "because I had braces and he was scared to kiss me," she listened to my stupid teenage drama all through high school, and she held me close when my high school boyfriend and I of over 2 years had a very nasty breakup. She helped me through college (twice), she spent hours with me on the phone when I was missing home, she came to Madison just to cheer me up and take me to the farmers market. She was a role model, a mentor, an image of God's grace through my entire life. She is the first person I will call to cheer me up, to go out to coffee, to walk aimlessly through stores looking at expensive commodities when I'm completely broke. She was there when I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy, holding my hand and laughing and crying right alongside me. She watched him as I spent countless days and nights studying so I could pass my board exam, and she now still will give up her own time, skip Bible study, reschedule appointments, and has even rescheduled a surgery for herself, simply to watch Jack for an hour or two. Had it not been for her, I would not be where I am today. 

So if you're reading this Mom, today is about you. And I can only hope that one day I am half the woman, mom, and friend you have been to me.